Feeling ‘duped’ or ‘impersonated’ may give rise to many feelings – from the betrayal of trust to feeling that somehow you should have been immune to such behaviour. Yet betrayal of trust – and therefore not being immune to such behaviour – happens daily and all people will experience this in their lives. Betrayal is a common human experience, and as a collective, we are evolving the spiritual skills to resolve it, rather than perpetuate it. Without obsessing about betrayal experiences, we do need to be aware of potential issues and find a way to make even the noxious behaviours that we may encounter on our life’s journey serve our spiritual growth.
Scamming behaviour may be increasing but it existed long before social media and e-commerce began. It is an expression of individual and cultural ‘betrayal wounds’ that we are currently working through as a species. These wounds run deep, and have a very long history, often through multiple generations of ancestors and between cultural groups too.
If you have been entangled in scamming activity online such as through scammers selling fake goods or trying to get your money for something or other, or even seduced into a narcissistic relationship that promised so much and delivered only compulsion, confusion and pain, please don’t think you are the only one dealing with this and don’t shame yourself for having had the experience.
If you are feeling distressed about such behaviour, this is completely understandable. Deception is a betrayal of the trust you place in someone. Your trusting nature is a beautiful thing! That there are wounded people acting out their abuse wounds, and that such behaviour has had an impact of any kind on you, is not a reflection of you in any way. The question to ask is how shall we all deal with this situation which is happening in various ways throughout our human culture?
Unloading carried shame
We need to take special care when encountering people who act shamelessly, which is the case in any act of abuse. We must give ourselves the time and energy needed to locate the ‘carried shame’ that we may have unintentionally internalised. Carried shame is the disowned shame of the abuser. It is what triggers someone to feel that the unacceptable behaviour of another person, enacted towards them, is actually their fault, rather than the responsibility of the person who acted inappropriately.
Empaths and sensitives are particularly prone to carrying shame, because we tend to pick up the disowned or unconscious energies of others. However, this sensitivity can also help us more immediately recognise when we are carrying an energy that does not belong to us, and our ‘fluency in energy’ allows us to be skilful and thorough in releasing it, intuiting what we need to do to go through that process.
Be gentle and fiercely persistent
When exposed to betrayal, we need to gently but firmly clear it. To do so, you could begin by articulating what belongs to you, what is your responsibility, and what is actually not about you. Write it down in your journal if that helps you get clear. Then lovingly and persistently reinforce the truth to yourself. Be patient, kind and firm with yourself through the process.
Sharing your experience with others in appropriate context can help create visibility, and counteract one of the insidious qualities of abusive behaviour, which is secrecy and obfuscation. Acts of betrayal are often profoundly confusing. With scammers, that confusion is intentionally generated. Without obsessing or ruminating on it, you may also find it helpful to imagine your open heart shining compassion like a truth-revealing searchlight on the situation. Imagine to yourself, “I see the truth of what is happening here. I see the truth of this person’s activities.” There is no judgement, there is simply the honest and open description of what took place. You can write it in your journal if you wish. This detached truth-telling can cut through the crazy-making confusion and facilitate swifter recovery.
I highly recommend that you seek help from trustworthy allies to support you, such as a therapist, especially if you are having an intense reaction that indicates an earlier trauma is being activated by a current situation. This is a sign that you are ready for deeper healing. It is an invitation from your soul to dive deep.
Although it won’t feel good in the short term, in the long term, grappling with that activated earlier trauma is an absolutely brilliant, divinely defiant act of sacred healing creativity. You are essentially taking a paltry or even poisoned offering by someone and utilising it in such a way that it yields enormous personal and collective value through your healing. That is the very definition of spiritual genius and sacred rebellion!
Remember that such stunning masterstrokes of soul magic can take time. So attend to your work dear one, but don’t pressure yourself.
Stay Real, Stay Aligned
There are times when we will all fall short of ideal behaviour. We can have both boundaries and compassion for ourselves and others. I know from personal experience – the stuff ups can be mightily inelegant and very, very real! A sense of humour can help, but sometimes things hurt too much to laugh about (or at least, the laughter needs to wait a while). That is OK too.
This is far greater than one individual story, and in our support and encouragement of each other, this ongoing perpetuation of shameless betrayal will eventually heal. We can encourage that process by doing our best to live in a way that honours the dignity and value of every human heart.
Stay real, stay aligned with that beautiful heart of yours, and know that we are doing our work. May your stuff ups be beautifully instructive and make for excellent dinner party conversation in your later years. May you know just how beautiful, brave and courageous you are. May you trust your loving heart, with all its restorative intelligence.
I am with you. I encourage you. I will never, ever reach out and suggest that you should have a reading with me because I do not offer readings and even more importantly because I trust your own soul timing and process implicity. Healing cannot be coerced, and timing cannot be forced. I would much rather share the beauty of what is happening with my sacred offerings with you, and then encourage you to trust your heart as to what you are attracted to, or not, and when.
Finally, I feel guided by Spirit to share that we are all doing so much better than we realise (perhaps some of us needed to hear that today).
So much love you brave fierce souls.
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